A Comedy of Errors

Here we are, one month after my last post. Noble intentions often fall to the side in the face of reality. Who knew it would be this hard to stay up on my posts?! I guess it should be no surprise to me. I always had a problem keeping up on journal writings when I was younger too. Here are few big things that happened over the last month.

As some of you may have noticed, on September 13th we closed the restaurant for a private event. We hosted a wedding reception for 150 here at the ODB. I have posted a full article about this event as well as pictures on my wedding blog - http://www.oregonweddings.blogspot.com/. Marshall and I also took a vacation (yeah!) the last week of August. Nothing big. A few day trips to the coast, the lake, Corvallis and the Wildlife Safari, but it was a wonderful rest just the way vacations ought to be. Our very own Jessey took a road trip to California to see relatives and came back tanner than ever. We hired a local couple to take on the wholesale side of our business. My son started kindergarten and rode the bus for the first time. My husband ate a salad for the first time in 15 years and we had the chance to get out and socialize with a few other couples. Lots going on as I am sure is true with your family as well.

This week's post is a continuation of the last one which dealt with community involvement and how it can go wrong. Much has happened in just a month in this area of my life. (Again names are changed to protect the innocent and the guilty.) While you may not know the context of the events and issues described here, I hope that you can identify with them in the context of your own community, business or social situations. People aren't very different from each other from one place to another. That's how we get such stereotypes as 'The Gossip,' The Player,' and 'The Comedian.' To better illustrate my situation, here are the two stereotypes I am dealing with - 'The Puppet' and 'The Tyrant.'

'The Puppet' is a generally nice guy with good intentions. He's an older puppet, so he'd been around for quite a while. He has experience with performance and this is certainly not his first time on stage. Just as with any other puppet, however, his actions and words are not his own, but those of a third party behind the scenes pulling his strings. The puppet thinks he is moving and speaking for himself when in reality he is merely the kind face of an unseen and unsightly force. Often a puppet will be placed in a role of authority for best affect - the better to control with.

'The Tyrant' is usually a dynamic individual who knows people and can get a lot done. They are well-spoken, well-educated, and generally think they know everything. 'The Tyrant' is good at getting people to believe in them, a great salesperson and is generally a charismatic individual. They know all the communication tricks, just like 'The Politician', so good luck nailing them down on anything or getting a straight answer. Disagree with or question a tyrant and you are out of the club, blacklisted, disowned. Tyrants present an image of being infallible - they can do no wrong. Tyrants make horrible partners because they can't share power but rather they gather it to themselves as if it were a shield. A shield that without, 'The Tyrant' would be exposed for the real person that they are - a person just like you and me. You will never hear 'The Tyrant' apologize or say they were wrong. Humility is not a word in their vocabulary. Instead, every situation will be twisted in such a way as to make everyone else be in the wrong.

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MY SITUATION
Have you ever thought you knew a person and had a eye opening experience that threw into question every thing they'd ever said and done since you've known them? Have you ever backed someone up in the past - taken their side on an issue - only to find yourself on the other side of the fence and now having to protect yourself from that very person? Have you ever had someone tell you there is no way you can understand the level at which they are thinking and operating and then want you to back their plan - whatever it might be - whole hearted? Have you ever been in a position of accountability, but you weren't given right to oversight or insight into programs, finances, or policy decisions? Have you ever been given a smile and nod by someone only to find out later they are disparaging you both professionally and personally behind your back? Well, its a first for me and not a fun experience let me tell you!

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So . . . what do you do with a tyrant? I can only think of three options.

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1) Put up and shut up. You go along with whatever 'The Tyrant' says. You become a 'Yes man', simply rubber stamping everything that comes before you.

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2) You fight. You assert yourself, stick out your neck and be vocal. You do what you can for change and join with others with similar concerns and goals.

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3) You get out. This may be for a variety of reasons. The personal or professional risks may be too great. Maybe its really not worth it and you should just let 'The Tyrant' fail or succeed on their own (they're certainly not listening to you). Whether you are comfortable with the means or not, maybe the positive results of 'The Tyrant's' work will out weigh the bridges burnt and heads lost along the way?

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Who knows! You don't want to be yet one more person without the stamina/time/energy to face down 'The Tyrant,' but is it worth it in the end? You will be the one to pick up the pieces after the battle. Can you pick up the pieces and put them back together as they ought to be? Do you have the time, the energy, the desire? Such are the issues and questions I have been dealing with this past month. At this point I have to question whether continued confrontations are healthy for me, my business, my family, and the organization itself. And you know what, I don't have the answer.

Welcome to Community Involvement

The greatest irritant of an event planner is to be a part of an ill-planned event. I know this is a hard gripe to identify with, as there are so few people in this category. Let me see if I can relate it to you in whatever profession you are in.

Think of whatever it is that you do really well. It could be baking or fishing or raising kids. Whatever it is, its got a lot components that have to come together in order for whatever it is to turn out well. Imagine you're asked to consult the person who is doing what it is you really should have been asked to do in the first place (because you actually know what you're doing). You're also asked to help this person by volunteering your time and actually doing a very small aspect of that thing you do really well. You do your best - answering questions, raising your own questions to make sure everything makes sense, talking through it with those involved trying to nail down all the details. All the while, you're trying not to be pushy or to take charge (as is your natural inclination) as that would offend. When you see all the parts failing to come together, your concerns are not taken seriously. Instead you are simply reassured that everyone's got their part covered and it will all come together in the end. You, in fact, end up looking like the bad guy who's stirring up trouble rather than the concerned (and informed) participant that you are. You step back and let the event take its course. There's nothing more you can do any way since "it will all come together in the end." You show up where you are asked and spend the entire time reminding yourself that you are not in charge and to just take deep breaths. Does that sound familiar?

Such is the bain of an event planner - an ill-planned event I am supposed to be a part of and, as in my case, promoting and putting your name behind. When committees are making decisions, where's the buck stop? Who has the final responsibility? Who gets the praises for a success and the criticism for the failures?

I've notice that committee and group leadership is especially prone to ruffled feathers - think non-profit organizations. While I am a firm believer in consensus and collaboration, projects require direct leadership and accountability. Committees can be great for spreading out the responsibility and workload and pooling talents, but you can end up with a faulty end product when there is no one to oversee the big picture and pull all the details together. Such is the case with events. Someone has to know everything about everything, be able to answer all the questions, and make the 'in the moment' adjustment decisions. Hopefully, some of this ranting makes sense. Out of context (as it must be for the sake of both the innocent and the guilty) you may not know the people, but situation may strike a chord with an experience you've had. We've all had times where all you can do is bite your tongue, get the job done, and then go home and vent to your husband.

Welcome to community involvement!